Monday, September 30, 2002
Looking at Nothing
Her eyes haven't closed. That is the most frustrating part.
Did you think you'd get rid of me that easily? Crazy Girl looks around. There's no one there but her...or at least, there's no one there talking to her. She's alone with her music. Well, alone in the way that there's no person around her. Instead, there's a voice talking to her...the voice of a muse.
Muse, am I? it says. Ha! You use me to inspire your stories and then call me a muse? Please...you wouldn't know anything about it. Maybe you're the one who's a figment of my imagination. Maybe I'm the sane one. Hell, you don't even know if what you see in the mirror is really you. It could be me dressed as you. If I am to exist, then I would need a body so that I blend in. After all, normal humans wouldn't even begin to understand who I am. You don't even know who I am. Where do you think you've gotten your evil from? Where do you think you that nagging feeling that you've sold your soul to Satan? That's because you have. Ha! And you wonder why you think there is such a thing as a Dark Lord. Oh, yes, he's real, and yes, I've seen what you've written about him. Maybe I'm the one who's met him. Oh, but do go on and face whatever perverted fantasies that your dirty little mind can create. Don't mind me. I'll just watch.
Crazy Girl switches positions in her chair. Oh, how she hated this voice. For the most part, she ignored it.
It was herself. Or the character in her head that she deemed herself. She never could figure out which it was.
Pale blue skin, purple-black lips, dark blue circles around the eyes. It wasn't death warmed over. It was death. This creature wasn't always mean but it was always sensible. This was the creature that felt everything...the creature that tourtured Crazy Girl with "love" and "hate". This creature was the ugliest of creatures, down to the sliced wrists and throat and teeth covered in blood, but it could be the most passionate creature that existed. It was her that never let Crazy Girl's guard about John down. It was her that inspired the story of Wicked. It is she that tosses the memory of a certain boy her way, causing distractions of all sorts. She was the one who felt every emotion on Earth and provoked those feelings in Crazy Girl. The creature never wanted to hurt anyone...physically. Emotionally, it would come up with the worst plans. This was love and hate wrapped up into one demon. The demon was not without heart though; it cherished love as much as hate. It was the most sensual creature that Crazy Girl had ever known. It believed in justice where it was due. Crazy Girl had no idea where she came from and why she appeared...one day, during a song, she was just there.
Crazy Girl tried to ignore the idea. Offically, she didn't believe it was there.
Crazy Girl, in actuality, wants to be that creature. A creature so sensual and vibrant and daring that no one notices how repulsive it is. Oh, does Crazy Girl ever want to look repulsive. Check that: Crazy Girl thinks she already looks repulsive. Obesity is never pretty, Crazy Girl thinks. But she wishes that she could be that beautiful and repulsive. Instead, Crazy Girl is quiet and shy.
She is curious about the Dark Lord though. But that's another story.
Her eyes haven't closed. That is the most frustrating part.
Did you think you'd get rid of me that easily? Crazy Girl looks around. There's no one there but her...or at least, there's no one there talking to her. She's alone with her music. Well, alone in the way that there's no person around her. Instead, there's a voice talking to her...the voice of a muse.
Muse, am I? it says. Ha! You use me to inspire your stories and then call me a muse? Please...you wouldn't know anything about it. Maybe you're the one who's a figment of my imagination. Maybe I'm the sane one. Hell, you don't even know if what you see in the mirror is really you. It could be me dressed as you. If I am to exist, then I would need a body so that I blend in. After all, normal humans wouldn't even begin to understand who I am. You don't even know who I am. Where do you think you've gotten your evil from? Where do you think you that nagging feeling that you've sold your soul to Satan? That's because you have. Ha! And you wonder why you think there is such a thing as a Dark Lord. Oh, yes, he's real, and yes, I've seen what you've written about him. Maybe I'm the one who's met him. Oh, but do go on and face whatever perverted fantasies that your dirty little mind can create. Don't mind me. I'll just watch.
Crazy Girl switches positions in her chair. Oh, how she hated this voice. For the most part, she ignored it.
It was herself. Or the character in her head that she deemed herself. She never could figure out which it was.
Pale blue skin, purple-black lips, dark blue circles around the eyes. It wasn't death warmed over. It was death. This creature wasn't always mean but it was always sensible. This was the creature that felt everything...the creature that tourtured Crazy Girl with "love" and "hate". This creature was the ugliest of creatures, down to the sliced wrists and throat and teeth covered in blood, but it could be the most passionate creature that existed. It was her that never let Crazy Girl's guard about John down. It was her that inspired the story of Wicked. It is she that tosses the memory of a certain boy her way, causing distractions of all sorts. She was the one who felt every emotion on Earth and provoked those feelings in Crazy Girl. The creature never wanted to hurt anyone...physically. Emotionally, it would come up with the worst plans. This was love and hate wrapped up into one demon. The demon was not without heart though; it cherished love as much as hate. It was the most sensual creature that Crazy Girl had ever known. It believed in justice where it was due. Crazy Girl had no idea where she came from and why she appeared...one day, during a song, she was just there.
Crazy Girl tried to ignore the idea. Offically, she didn't believe it was there.
Crazy Girl, in actuality, wants to be that creature. A creature so sensual and vibrant and daring that no one notices how repulsive it is. Oh, does Crazy Girl ever want to look repulsive. Check that: Crazy Girl thinks she already looks repulsive. Obesity is never pretty, Crazy Girl thinks. But she wishes that she could be that beautiful and repulsive. Instead, Crazy Girl is quiet and shy.
She is curious about the Dark Lord though. But that's another story.
# posted by Crazy Girl @ 20:13 
